I woke up this morning with my face pressed against wire. Wtf?
And then I walked into the bathroom to find two bare rims in my bathtub and tubes hanging from my shower curtain rod. Oh yeah, I left my bike in pieces last night. Oops.
Not the Dolan; I had enough sense to perch that next to my couch before battling my Bianchi. I turned it upside down [due to a lack of a bike stand] last night, thinking I’d quickly switch out the tires for my ride today. “Quickly” turned out to be half an hour of frustrated screaming which degenerated into a crying fit of frustration. I hate hate hate it when I can’t do something by myself. Being faced with a lack of physical power was the last straw in the estrogen blitzkrieg that’s been assaulting me lately.
After crying pathetically with a wrench in my hand for about 5 minutes, and seized by that “crazy” that powers women through irrational decisions and ugly fights with significant others, I finally managed to wrench off both wheels. I was covered in black stuff up to my elbows. I tossed both the wheels into the bathtub and tried to forget about how inept I am.
It was harder to forget how depressingly lonely times like this feel, and reminded me of something a friend from school told me:
“These past two years have been the loneliest years of my life.”
I couldn’t agree more. Law school – an environment in which you’re pitted against your peers – isn’t conducive to developing trusting relationships. Add to that the fact that we see each other every day and by Friday, it’s understood that our weekends are saved for whatever we have outside of school: college friends and girlfriends for my friends, my bikes for me.
Bikes don’t console you when you’re depressed though, and they don’t give you high-fives when you manage to accomplish something stupid like getting some rusted over axel nuts off your bike. My hands sore for hours afterwards, I bawled in front of my computer to an ever-diligent best friend about how much I wanted to leave Boston. There’s nothing here for me, I claimed, and no one really gives a shit, so what does it matter? I’m waiting, studying, cycling…to leave.
As I threw copious crumpled up tissues into my trash can, something grated against my desk. I looked down to see a bracelet I had nearly forgotten about wrapped snugly around my wrist. It’s a DT Swiss spoke – light, flexible, and a reminder that there’s a place I can go to hide and recharge. It’s an upgrade from the bike chain bracelet I was sporting last summer – a heavy ring of metal that I was wearing just to seem cool and bike-y, but carried with it too many double standards and expectations I just couldn’t [and didn’t want to] meet.
The spoke bracelet was made by Chris at IBC, and everyone behind the counter seemed to be sporting one yesterday. Needless to say, I passed out last night with it around my wrist, my hands and arms still black and blistered, but feeling just a little bit better.
Maybe, just maybe, I won’t pedal straight out of here when I get that J.D.
Tags: bathtub · crying · estrogen · loneliness · wheels · wrench7 Comments
7 responses so far ↓
it happens to all of us. even mechanics. i had an anger fit with my uncooperative bike stand and Heather’s bike when trying to change a chain at home yesterday.
i want a spoke bracelet!!!!
I got a pinch flat yesterday and was under a Jack Bauer-level of duress to replace the tube and get back on the bike before I “lost” the good weather. I rode about two miles with heavy vibration before I realized that I didn’t seat the bead properly and it was coming away from the rim. I had to pull the wheel and re-seat the tire on the side of one of our busiest roads.
I also somehow smashed my thumb removing the original tube. I (literally) feel your pain.
Grad school is a painful experience sometimes. We don’t necessarily get to do all the things we want or hang out with the people we’d like to, but hopefully there is some sort of carrot hanging in front of us to keep us moving along. For me it’s the piece of paper I’ll have in 34 days.
As far as the bike stuff goes, yeah, we all have those kinds of days. It can be rough. Just remember you’ve got tons of bike friends in Boston who’d be happy to help ya out.
dan p — yesterday wasn’t a good bike day for both of us! and the spoke bracelet is awesome; i’m sure chris at ibc will make one for you if you ask!
matthew — wait…there are “busy” streets in ohio? JUST KIDDING!
eric — and yet you keep going back for more! and fyi, last year, ibc was sometimes the only place that made me NOT want to leave boston. you guys are the bestest.
I, too, hate not being able to do things by myself that I know others can do. Then again, there’s plenty I can do that others give up on before even attempting. Taking more than one chance to get something done or done right is quite human, actually. You’re in really good company there!
Congrats on finally besting the bike! Remember, we’re all right behind you if you ever need any bike help. Besides, given my work schedule you can probably just swing by the shop at any hour and find me whittling away at something.
In short, you are great, keep bein’ awesome and remember, above all, that life carries on and there are far worse things to do with 3 years than law school. Besides, you get a fancy bit o’ paper and some more employability, that’s never too bad.
teeheehee — thanks…it’s good to know that people stronger than me have problems doing things too.
erich — i DID think about it. just taking the bike to you guys and getting the tires swapped out that way. but then…what would i do if i flat, all alone in the middle of nowhere? at least now i know it’ll take me an hour to fix it…?